I shouldn't really be here, but I am, mostly because I know if I don't write now, I won't get a chance till much later and by then I won't say what I want to at this moment. So here we are again, me and my ramblings, sacrificing sleep in order to satisfy my need for blatant blurbs of the mind and soul. In this realm that is the internet, I alone command this domain that is my listening ear and shoutout to the world when the rest of the day is spent and gone.

But anyway. I've come to realize that though church retreats have become a real highlight in my ever-eventful life, I find that I'm not to partial to the after-effects that take place when I return to the real world. Particularly when I'm coming back to a whole slew of things that need to be settled, amidst other relatively important things like school and living arrangements and such. No matter, things eventually work out in the end, and I'm mainly relieved that I don't have to control everything. It's immensely helpful knowing that He's taking care of everything for me up there, because at the moment, I feel so incapacitated that it's amazing my thoughts are still coherent.

Still, before we talk about the "real world" issues of my life, we'll talk about the retreat. Hmm, coming from experiences where I was mainly facilitating or planning camps, this was definitely a nice change because my main role at the Mesa Retreat was to relax, have fun, worship and converse with friends and God. Obviously some of the easiest and best things in the world to do, it was no wonder I was so joyful over the weekend. Come to think of it, I've pretty much been joyful since Rezweek, and alot more mellow and relaxed too. People are noticing the change, and you know what? I like it.

We traveled about sixty miles North of Austin to LaGrange to spend the weekend at this outdoor retreat site, similar to Camp Buckner from last semester, though not as lavish. Even so, Camp Lone Star was fresh and inviting, complete with a clear lake that rippled with the wind as sunbeams danced on the surface. Packing into the lodges and spending time in music, prayer and conversation, it amazes me that with all the knowledge of things that had to be done upon returning to Austin, I still had just about the most relaxing weekend ever. Truly, when I am in my Father's house, I am not plagued by worries or burdens, but am content to lie in His company, assured that all is and always will be taken care of.

Perhaps that one thing that I've learnt in the past week, amidst our ever-present and evolving relationship is that there's not much sense in pursuing the future nor dwelling in the past. Obviously not to say that I shouldn't care about making plans in advance either because we all have a duty to be responsible and the like, but I've learnt to appreciate things as they come, and really, I think it's helped me appreciate people around me even more. People, as I've said before can and will surprise you, if only you give them half a chance. It's this new discovery then that makes waking up everyday even more alluring, because I never know what I'm going to find out next.

So with that experience, and even with the lack of sleep and food on sunday (hanging out with the guys does wonders in warping sleeping patterns), I still returned to Austin in relatively good shape. Eating lunch with Malinda, Jess, Gary, Kian Tiong and Cade at Din Ho, I was happy to find my room unoccupied when I got back. I like solitude and being able to flop onto my bed without anyone else's presence. Besides, I really only had about three hours to myself anyway because we would culminate our retreat with a final gathering at Mesa for our usual evening session.

One of the things that surprised me a little at retreat was discovering that a few other MSCF people apparently read this online publication of mine. Not completely regularly, I'll give you that, but enough so that they have some semblance of what's current in my life and such. Hmm, interesting really, because firstly I have no idea how some of them came to know about this, and also because they find it amusing enough to read. Conclusion? People must be more bored than I give them credit for, and my annecdotes have yet to put them to sleep. *laughs* Whatever, here's a little shout-out to everyone who pops by once in a while. Sign my guestbook too, I'm always up for feedback and comments!

Right, so that was a little of my experiences from this recent retreat. On to the more juicy stuff shall we? Well, not really, since that sounds so scandalous, but it's slightly more interesting I would think, since it concerns the one thing that's been a little more apparent in my life lately: Boys. Have I gotten your attention now? I'm not sure there's alot to say, though I will say that there's been some progress to say the least. It's been very interesting, this whole affair, firstly because I am absolutely clueless as to what to do, and secondly because everyone seems to think my reactions to it are highly amusing. But then again, since when have I not had people laughing at me at one point or another?

I've come to the conclusion that of the two, one's just exceedingly friendly, and the other's obviously interested (though to what degree I'm not sure). So far, we've talked on the phone twice, Ian and I. Once, very briefly on thursday night before Sneak Peek, and yesterday, when I got back. We talked a little longer the second time, while he was doing grocery shopping of all things. He'd said to call him when I got back in town, and I figured why not since I'd like to get to know him better. We talked for about a half hour, conversation ranging from school to ambitions to cooking and summer. From that, I've discovered several things:

1) He's smart. Very smart.

2) He likes to cook! (Yea for guys who are culinarily proficient)

3) He's talented.

4) I'm getting in over my head, aren't I?

*sigh* Nevermind, I'm not pushing it, nor am I about to rush into an obnoxiously rash decision that will leave me shafted at the end of it all. I don't believe in that sort of thing. Right now, I figure we'll just get to know each other, and see where it goes from there. And anyway, if he doesn't know God, then we all know how the rest of the story will end. Yes, I know right know we're all thinking "Let him be a church-going boy!", but it doesn't matter. If He says wait, then I will.

I guess the main point is that above Jenny and Tara's (my pseudo-sisters from Sneak Peek) obvious excitement over "the boy" and me, I'm pretty much doing with it what I'm doing with everything else is my life: handing it over. We'll most likely hang out this weekend, Jenny, Ben, Ian and I, and that'll be another opportunity for conversation and other things. I'm relieved that he's immensely more talkative now than when I first met him, so I guess if anything, I've got a new friend. Anyway, that's about all I can think of to say now. Maybe he'll call me this week, and maybe he won't.

Either way, whatever confounding rules they have in America's dating culture? Well, that's one game I'm just not going to play.