It is raining outside today and I can hear the ticking of the clock as it sits on the shelf by the window overlooking the parking lot. There is no one here, just me, and while one might say that it is a lonely place to be in, it is quiet, and somewhere within me, I know God's spirit is resting here. Peace it seems, will always triumph any sense of isolation.

If there were someone here, I suppose I might talk a bit. But then again, maybe I still wouldn't. I think I am afraid. Afraid of what hearing the sound of my own voice would do to me, of the emotions it would betray, of the fact that while I am silent I manage to keep it together, but all that could be lost once a word is spoken. One from the heart anyway. I find myself still questioning how I ever got to this place, but in the end the truth is that there is no one to blame, and no answer that can truly satisfy.

So instead here I sit, returning to writing after what feels like an eternity, and feeling like perhaps through all this, God will speak to me, and I'll begin to find my way again. I feel sometimes that lately, this new path I'm on grows increasingly solitary, but I suppose that's not a bad thing. I am learning to step out and stand on my own, and in doing so, I am learning to find myself, my heart, and have opinions defined by no one else but me. It is enthralling but completely terrifying at the same time.

Too much has happened in between the last time I wrote and now to elaborate upon. And the truth is that words, no matter how eloquent and descriptive, still wouldn't be able to do it justice. It is times like these when I wish others could see into my life and the events that take place there, because then I wouldn't have to try to explain as much, and maybe then, I'd have a couple more people who would understand. But for now, it remains something just between me, God, and the audience in my mind.

The days pass quickly now, one day melding into another, and all of sudden I find that weeks have gone by, turning into months, and I wonder what is it about getting older that makes time seem to accelerate for no apparent reason. And really, the right question is not so much if time is growing short, but rather have I begun to look to the future so much that I have forgotten to live in the present? As Robert said to me last night, embrace today, and thank God for tomorrow, because really, it's all we can do.

My days of late have been spent dividing my time between work and church, as well as working on music with Robert. His apartment and studio have become like a familiar second home, and though it's a genre that I've never worked in before, I'm liking the songs we've been creating, and look forward to when the album gets done. How funny that God caused our paths to cross for this purpose. I don't think either of us ever imagined that we would be working together like this, and even more surprising is how well we work together, and how easy it's been to cultivate a friendship that grows stronger each moment.

I think I'm learning to stop questioning God's commands and just obey. (Things tend to work out better when I do).

The next few months still look a little hazy, but I see the dawn upon the horizon and I know that at the end, I will get to where I need to be, to where I'm supposed to be. The desperation for God's presence is gradually growing, and I find myself spending more time in the prayer room, just ten feet from my office door. In time, I feel like everything will be revealed, but until then, I am watching, and waiting, and in doing so, learning more about what it means to really trust, and to live out a life of faith. Faith after all, is believing God to do something that we ourselves cannot. And I tell you that it is in these moments, when I really see God move, and His hand upon my life.

So what else is there to say really? I'm not exactly exuberant, but I am not unhappy either. A lot has happened in these past few months, and I have cried and laughed, prayed and hoped, and in the end it seems, grown up just a little bit more. I can't really ask for anything else. There is too much that I have been blessed with, but I guess if I had to sum everything up into a single sentence, if I had to say what I really want after everything that's gone on? Well then, that's simple.

I just really want a hug.